Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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