David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
