you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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