Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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