"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
