I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
