it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
