Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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