I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
