threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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