I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
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