I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize