Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
