Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
