bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
