plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
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