Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
