you turned your livingroom into a bong?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
