R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize