I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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