i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Let's paint friendship bongs
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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