Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
