You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Well I just put wine in my tea
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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