it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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