have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
