He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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