im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
