Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
