Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
