I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Why is your signature on my underwear?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
