If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
