White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
She just used a chaser for red wine.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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