drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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