I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
