you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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