Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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