Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
