I didn't shave. On purpose
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
