Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
