yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
