i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
