my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
