I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
