and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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