I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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