I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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