I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Sorry my hands just texted you
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
