I want to walk on stilts...naked
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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