amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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