if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
The Olympian is in my bed
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
