You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Everclear isn't food dammit
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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