the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize