I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
