And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
