just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
