Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
