my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
