he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize