Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
