and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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