i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
