It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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