he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
