Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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