you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
