Need sex. Gaining weight.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
