Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
