piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
