i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
