theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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