I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
