In the future we'll all be gay
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
