girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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