my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
