you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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