its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
