Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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