WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
