If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
We're hate flirting, damnit.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
