You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
