Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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