i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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