He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
