And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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