so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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