I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
