the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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