before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
