Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
