I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
