I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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