But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
