also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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