gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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